Part of Your World
by terminalKismesis
Summary: It's been three years since Karkat left town. He decides to go back to his hometown to visit his old highschool friends. He had no idea of the effect his leave had on his best friend, Gamzee Makara. AU, Humanstuck. GamKar. I do not own Homestuck.
1. Chapter 1

**Yo. It's terminalKismesis, (formerly known as ReaperCate) here with my first homestuck fic.. **

**This is the baby of an idea Merrine and I had. Go look her up. **

**Yeah, so; sorry if it's bad or whatever, I'm still trying to figure out first person. **

**Hehe, so, enjoy or whatever and don't forget to drop a review on your way out~**

**:o)**

Part of Your World

Three years, it's been three years since I've moved to this god-awful town. I sigh as close the hard covered book I had been reading, tracing over the title with shaking fingers.

I had loved this book since I was a small child, romance novels had always been my favourite. I let out a shaky sigh, a small, barely noticeable smile coming fourth as I place it on the coffee table across me. Looking across the room to the bookshelf I had plucked it from earlier, I spy a small book sitting on top of the unit, I don't remember putting it there – Hell, I don't even remember what it was.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I get up from my comfy spot on the couch to investigate the weird book. I brush the bulk of the dust off the semi-hard cover with my grey sleeve. It was my highschool yearbook.

My name is Karkat Vantas, by the way, just remember that from now.

I flick through the dusty worn pages haphazardly until I spot a certain photo. My blood runs cold as I remember the guy in the picture. His laugh, his way of easing tension, his god-awful choice in food – or drinks; and most of all - his…. Honk.

I run my hand over the photo, and without warning, I remember the pain that guy had caused my adolescent heart. A single tear tracked it's way down my cheek as I slammed the book shut. Gamzee Makara, he was my best friend.

I place the book back on top of the shelf. I now remember why I put it up there.

It was painful, the whole thing was just tiring and I was sick of it.

Besides, Gamzee has probably forgotten me by now, he would have moved on with his life. Hell, he probably has a girlfriend and is perfectly happy without me. I mean, it was my fault we didn't see each other after we graduated. I moved towns to live with my brother after my parent's divorce.

And the stupid thing is, we used to talk for hours online and now, we don't even know each other anymore.

It's been three years since we've talked.

Three years since I've smiled.

I hear the door unlock and the jingle of keys as my brother shuffles into our apartment, arms full of plastic bags from his recent trip to the grocery store. I quickly rub my eyes with my sleeve roughly before he saw my pitiful state. I flash a quick smile to my sibling as he walks past to dump the bags on the nearby kitchen counter.

"Anything interesting happen at work?" I ask, just to break the uncomfortable silence as I helped my older brother unpack this weeks shopping.

"Not really, that new movie you wanted came in today, though". He smiled, digging through a bag until he produced a DVD case. He handed it over, smiling as my face lit up. I smiled quietly and hugged him before racing off into the living room to put it with the rest of my collection. "Thanks, Kankri," I call back; I hear him chuckle in response.

"We can watch it after dinner, if you like?" Kankri offered, putting the last of the groceries away to come join me in the living room. I nod and he laughs again.

…

That. Was. AWESOME," I cheer from my spot on the sofa as the ending credits began to roll. I look to Kankri, bastard fell asleep again. Oh well. I drape a blanket on my sleeping brother's lap before gathering the dishes from the coffee table; I make my way to the kitchen, dumping the plates in the sink carelessly; looking to the clock on the oven; 23:42.

Shit. It's almost midnight.

I yawn, rubbing my eyes with small fists, shuffling down the hall to my bedroom, noticing the bookshelf again on my way past. That book just seems to taunt me. I shake my head tiredly, no; I can't but….

I reach up on my tip-toes, yanking the yearbook down with the tips of my fingers before shuffling the rest of the way to my room.

I flop down on my bed tiredly, book still in hand; I don't know what it was; but there was something about this book that just irked me.

It wasn't even an actual book, it was more of just a photo album with a few quotes and shit.

I flick through the pages more carefully, stopping once in a while to read something or to get a better look. Not to my surprise or anything but ninety percent of the photos were of or contained the popular kids in my year.

Namely Vriska, Feferi and Eridan.

There were a few pictures of some of the more unpopular kids, Like me for instance. Though I never really cared for popularity, it was just a load of shit if you asked me. I still don't even understand the concept of it. I don't care if people didn't like me; I wasn't going to change now.

Now that I think about it, though; I haven't seen a single picture with me in it, apart from my profile, of course. It didn't bother me though; I always look grumpy in photos.

My train of thought stopped when my tired eyes fell upon a certain picture. It was Sollux, Tavros, Gamzee and Myself. Gamzee had his arm hanging loosely on the back of Tav's wheelchair, with the tall male's other arm around my waist. My arm was draped around Sollux's shoulder with his around mine in return. We were all smiling, Soll looked as smug as ever, Tavros looked kind of nervous, Gamzee was obviously stoned out of his mind and I had a slight scowl, probably from the fact Gamzee's hand was awfully close to my ass.

What had happened to those times? We were just so…I shuddered slightly; biting back more tears, gnawing on my lip. I wanted those days to come back, I wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. I miss being lectured by Sollux about computers and coding – Even if I totally suck ass at it.

I miss yelling and ranting at Gamzee about bringing weed to class and about how smoking it in the bathroom was not okay – the smoke caused several fire alarms to go off and we had to evacuate the building and sit on the oval for three hours.

Something told me that Gamzee liked setting off the fire alarm, because it got us out of class for the afternoon.

A sob escaped as I put the book down on my bed and I wiped my eyes, my cheeks burned as I let out a shaky sigh. I wonder if the others felt the same about my leave?

Probably not.

I lay down, my hair flopping over my face and I close my eyes, the brightness from the lamp starting to hurt. I roll over, flicking the lamp off and kick the book off the bed, it made a small thud on impact with the carpeted floor and before I knew it; I was out.

**So, what do you guys think? This will eventually be GamKar so yeah, I will get there. **

**Review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Woo, Thanks for all the love on the first chapter. You guys make me feel so special; anyways, on to chapter two~**

I woke with a start, rubbing the cold, sticky sweat off my palms onto my pant leg. The nightmares have been getting worse; if the dark circles under my eyes were anything to go by.

Looking to the clock on my bedside table, I heave a breath, rubbing my eyes to adjust to the dark. It was still only 6:04AM

"Shit," I groan, rolling out of my warm bed. This was a daily routine by now, I hardly ever slept in because of reoccurring nightmares, so instead, I'd get dressed and go for a walk. It at least gave me some time to think before my brother woke up and started yelling at me. I have to admit, though; I am defiantly not a morning person.

I pull on a pair of faded grey jeans, a black shit and a black hoodie before sweeping some change off my dresser, pocketing it along with my phone and quietly leave the apartment.

The air wasn't as cold as I thought it was going to be, I started down the familiar streets, walking at a comfortable pace. I stop at a small café, deciding to take a small break.

I order the usual and sit down in a corner, sipping at the hot coffee in my hands. I hadn't noticed how boring and redundant my life had become, well, apart from the times a new movie came out or Kankri and I actually did something as a family; Which was a rare occurrence since Kankri spent ninety-eight percent of his time working, sleeping or ranting.

Well, To be honest, I was content with this life; that was, until I was painfully reminded of what my life used to be like.

When I got home, I looked around the front foyer, making sure Kankri had already left, I couldn't deal with all his 'trigger' bullshit. Not today.

I just wanted this stupid day to be over with and to get on with my boring, stupid life.

I'm not going to lie; I am just a little obsessive. So when I say that whole past thing didn't bother me, it did. It really did; I don't even know why something like that would get to me, I think now I know why I had tried so hard to forget everything that has happened to me up until this point. To create lies within my own subconscious so I'd be able to sleep at night.

I remember it all now, though. When I had first moved here, I really thought I'd be fine, but about a month in, I started going through withdrawal-like symptoms witch led to clinical depression.

It took me a whole year to 'get over it' as the doctors said. But not even my brother was convinced when they said I'd be fine.

I guess I just wished so hard that I was fine I ended up believing it.

Ugh, why am I so wrapped up in this; Just the thought is making me angry. I plop down on the sofa, plucking my laptop from the other side of it and stare at the black screen. I turn it on and sigh, waiting for it to fully turn on and load my shit. After about an hour of browsing the usual sites, curiosity get's the better of me and I log into my old pesterchum account. Man, I haven't been on for ages.

And it seemed nobody else really used it any more either.

I was about to give up when a small message box appeared.

**- twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] –**

TA: kk?

TA: ii2 that you?

CG: SOLLUX?

CG: FUCK, I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE STILL USED THIS SHITTY THING.

TA: yeah, hardly doe2.

TA: iim 2uprii2ed two 2e you online.

CG: YEAH, I GUESS IT HAS BEEN A WHILE.

TA: iit2 niice though.

CG: HOW IS EVERYONE? I'VE BEEN BORED AS FUCK WITHOUT YOU USLESS FUCKASSES ON MY CASE.

TA: ii cant 2ay iit2 been the 2ame here wiithout you.

TA: e2peciially GZ.

CG: GAMZEE?

CG: WHAT ABOUT GAMZEE? HE BETTER NOT BE UPTO THAT STUPID FUCKASSERY CLOWN SHIT HE'S CONSTANLY BLABBING ABOUT.

TA: well, no, he2 2orta, diiferent.

TA: iit2 not really my place two 2ay but, ii thiink he2 2tiil kind of out of iit.

TA: and not iin a drugged up kind of way, like he u2ed two.

What the hell was Sollux on about? What did he mean Gamzee was out of it.

TA: when you left, gz 2topped talking two me 2o ii cant really tell you what happened.

CG: THAT DOESN'T SOUND MUCH LIKE THAT FUCKASS.

TA: and you dont 2ound like your2elf, your not gettiing very far wiith thii2 argument.

CG: …

CG: FUCK YOU.

TA: there we go.

TA: there2 kk. ii wa2 begiiniing two wonder where you were.

TA: kk, you 2hould come two vii2iit u2 2ometiime.

TA: iim 2ure everyone will be happy two 2ee you again.

TA: unle22 you 2tart ranting.

CG: YEAH, THAT MIGHT NOT BE SUCH A BAD IDEA.

CG: WHENEVER I'M ABLE TO GET FREE TIME.

I stared back at my screen. What have I gotten myself into?

TA: 2ee you then.

**- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] –**

Great, knowing Sollux, he'd probably tell everyone then if I ever do go, I won't get out alive.

Maybe that wasn't a bad thing?

Bleh. Who really cares anyway.

I log off my account, kick my laptop back to the side I had found it at and flicked on the TV. "Why is there never anything good on?" I mutter under my breath growing more irritated as I channel surfed. What was the point of having cable TV when all that was on were repeats?

Seriously, all that was ever on TV was Scrubs.

I swear.

I mean, not that it wasn't a good show or anything but…It did get a little old by this point. I let a small growl escape my throat as I lazily picked myself up off the sofa and dragged my sorry ass into the kitchen to make myself lunch.

The day dragged on quietly and by the end of it I couldn't really say I really accomplished anything. Ah, how I wish for this life to be over.

Little did I know, shit was about to get real.

Fucking great.

**Woo, Second chapter done. Sorry if there are mistakes, I didn't get around to proof-reading it like I normally do. Also, I'll try to make the chapters longer but I had a severe writers block at the beginning and I managed to shit the rest out last night. So yeah; Keep up the reviews and I'll try to update soon. : o)**

**TK-**


	3. Chapter 3

Sollux shut his laptop, sighing as he stood up from his computer desk; a rare smile stretched across his face. He turned to face the two others in the room, "Guess what?" He lisped, gaining the two girls' immediate attention.

"What?" One said, apathetic to the Gemini's obvious excitement.

"AA, It's not guessing if I just tell you," Sollux reminded, crossing his arms.

"Did you get us a puppy?" The other girl laughed, earning a light punch to the arm by Aradia.

"Fef, What the hell?" the tall male sighed again.

"Okay, Okay, I'll just tell you." He paused, "KK said he'll come to visit when he gets the time".

"Wait….He really said that? When did he…?" Feferi pouted, turning to her female counterpart.

"He messaged me on Pesterchum, like, five minutes ago."

Aradia smiled brightly, "It's about time something happened around here, I'm sure it'll lift everyone's spirits. Especially for Gamzee…. The poor thing".

Feferi looked to Sollux, brushing a stray hair from her face "Should we tell him?" She looked down at the bed she and Aradia were seated on, "Would he even want to see Karkat after all this time?"

Aradia smiled, wrapping an arm around the Pieces, a warm smile stretched across her deep red lips, "There really is know telling what might happen, you know how volatile he's become," she thought some, standing up she met her gaze again, "Wanna go tell the others, though?"

Feferi laughed, a bright smile coming fourth, "OF COURSE! I wanna tell Nep first~" And with that the two girls skipped out of the room, leaving Sollux to wonder what the fuck just happened. He shook his head, sitting down on his bed; a small smile still present. "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea to tell them…."

~oOo~

(Back to Karkat)

I yawn standing up from my spot on the couch, stretching my arms above my head. I check my phone for the time, I plop back down in my seat; that movie marathon sure did some good. I couldn't even remember what I was so upset about.

I walk over to the TV, ejecting the DVD I had finished watching and plopped the movie back in it's case; setting it on the television unit. I yawn, feeling the fatigue take over, and auto-pilot my way to my room collapsing into a heap on my bed. I'll have a shower in the morning, it didn't matter. Hearing the front door open, I close my eyes. "Karkat?" I hear Kankri call my name, I try shouting something back but it comes out as a sort of slurred grunt. I stiffen as footsteps sound down till they stop at my doorway, "You okay?" He sounds worried. Waving my hand, I open an eye to glare at him weakly. He smiles, coming in and tucks me into bed.

"I'm not a child anymore," I protest; but he ignores me.

"Good night," he turns off my bedroom light and closes the door. I hardly heard what he said, I was already out, enjoying what was left of what I thought would be a dreamless sleep.

_I stood in a white room; well I assumed it was a room. It was hard to tell because the white was blinding. Footsteps sounded and I turn to face the direction of the noise. Nothing is there; I scan the white plane, my heart beginning to pound as the sound seemingly got closer. I took a step back, swallowing hard; quiet laugh sounded out through the expanding white. "You can't escape," _

_I turn on my heel and start off on a sprint in a random direction, it didn't matter which was I went, it all looked the same. The walls began to fade out to a grayish colour as the room expanded with every step I took until eventually I was standing in pitch black. The footsteps following after me in a calm, torturous pace. They stopped and I blinked up to become face to face with a tall demon-like thing. The demon cracked a smile as he stood there, a juggling club sitting idly within the embrace of his long claw-like hands. _

"_I told you before, there's no escape," it said calmly, his long unruly black hair covering his yellow tinted eyes. _

_I took yet another step backwards and my back hit a wall, my eyes widened as that thing licked it's grey lips, teeth gleaming and it's white painted skin seeming to glow in the never-ending blackness. But what was most noticeable was it's horns, they were long and pointy, the same colour as his eyes. It lifted the club above his head, a smirk stretching across his features – the bastard had the nerve to steal that face. That monster wore the face of my best friend. It didn't deserve to live – I sidestepped and as the club came down, it narrowly missed my skull by inches. I release the breath I didn't realize I had been holding as I narrowly avoided the blow, my relief only being short lived as he swung again, this time sideways; the club made contact with my jaw; the force enough to send me flying. I landed on the hard ground, my back and head aching, I try to sit up as blood began to pool in the back of my throat, I try to spit it but I can't move my mouth. I manage to tilt my head to the side and the red liquid dribbled out the corner of my lips, pooling next to my head and some of making it's way into my dark hair. The tall demon-wearing-Gamzee's-face-thing walks over to me, his boot-clad feet stopping next to my head. _

_Ohshitoshitoshitoshit._

_His foot came up, positioned over my face; a shit eating grin smeared over his white face. _

_Shit. _

I yelp, hands flying to cover my face, nothing happens, I open an eye to see Kankri looming over me. He looks worried; Shit.

"Karka-"

"I'm fine…" I cut him off, I sit up and look to the side. I really didn't need to be talked at right now. I wipe the sweat off my face with my doona, and look up at my brother. "Really…"

He sighs in defeat, standing tall, "You know I worry about you," he looks me in the eye and I look away, "Why won't you tell me what's going on,"

"Because nothing's going on," I argue back weakly, my hands coming to fiddle with the hem of my shirt, "Everything's fine, I told you that".

Kankri crosses his arm over his chest, "You know, it's kind of obvious something's not quite right, something is quite wrong, I can see it, Karkat, you look scared, I hardly ever see you anymore, it's almost like you're avoiding me. Why would do that, Karkat? Am I really that horrible to be around, you can tell me these sorts of things; that's what brothers are for. If you like I can book you in to see the doctor, would you prefer to talk to her? I'm sure if you just open up a little we can help you, things don't have to stay like this forever– "

"SHUT UP!" I yell, he immediately shuts his mouth, "You wanna know why you never see me around? BECAUSE YOU FUCKING RANT AT ME ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Just. Shut up."

I weave my hands into my hair out of frustration, tugging on it just that little bit. I look up to Kankri, his expression immediately made me regret snapping at him. I open my mouth to say something but he walks out, his eyes downcast and expression crestfallen.

"Fuck.." I grumble under my breath, my hands balling into fists by my side. I toss the covers off my legs and get up, I get dressed and walk out into the kitchen to find Kankri had already made breakfast and left for work. A single plate of chocolate chip pancakes sat in the middle of the counter, I frown. I'm such a horrible person, Kankri had probably made me breakfast and came to tell me but… "Then I yelled at him…"

It's not like yelling at people was new to me, I yelled and shouted and screeched and ranted on like an asshole all the time. But It's not like I really meant a lot of the things that I've said, Everyone else knew that too. But… Kankri looked really upset…

I hit myself, stopping my train of thought. I grab a fork and the bottle of syrup and pull up a chair in front of my breakfast.

Shit would just have to wait, Because; as Gamzee had once said 'Pancakes are miracles'.

I take a bite of the fluffy, chocolate-y confection and sadness swallows me whole.

Gamzee… _Why did I have to think that…_ I mentally scald myself, glaring down at the pancakes.

I finish up, and wash my plate and fork. I set them down on the drying rack next to the sink, I look up to the clock on the oven, noticing it's only nine, I pull out my mobile phone and pull up a new message.

'HEY, I'M SORRY ABOUT EARLIER, I WAS WONDERING WHAT TIME YOU GET OFF WORK TODAY?' I put in Kankri's number and press send. About a minute later, my phone buzzes, alerting me to his reply.

'I'm n9t at w9rk, I have the day 9ff, what d9 y9u need?' Was his reply, I look around the apartment block for no reason. I quickly hit reply and type in what I need.

**Hahaha, Can you guess what Karkat wants? Idk. Anyway, I'm hoping to get these chapters a little longer, and I'm open to suggestions regarding this fic. I have a little idea of what I'd like but I need a little more to really get things going. Sorry I didn't update sooner, but hopefully I'll be updating more regularly now that I'm on holidays. **

**Please review I always look forward to reading them. -LessThanThree-**


	4. Chapter 4

I hummed along with the song on the radio, Kankri singing quietly beside me. We had been driving for about an hour now and it was starting to get reallllly boring. I look out the window, resting my cheek on the glass watching my breath fog it up briefly as I exhaled.

Rain.

That's all I could see outside. It was hammering down, the dark clouds making it near impossible to see 20 meters ahead without the car's high beam on. It's funny how the weather just turned like this because it's the time where I want to do shit. Fucking great, isn't it?

Kankri didn't seem to mind the onslaught of water, he simply turned on the windscreen wipers and continued on his merry way. He hasn't spoken to me since he came home to pick me up, it's probably because he doesn't want to risk lecturing me. I don't think he recovered too well from this morning and I still felt terrible for what happened. God I'm such an ass.

I sigh, the window immediately fogs up as the moisture clings to the clear surface. I hear Kankri murmur something, he looks at me briefly before turning back to the road.

"What? Did you say something?" I turn my head to look at him, a bored expression plastered across my usually grumpy face.

"I asked if you messaged your friend before we left," Kankri didn't look at me, he kept his voice down, too.

"Y-yeah… I messaged Sollux and asked if I could stay the night…." I reply hesitantly.

Kankri just nods, I turn back to look out the window when I feel something touch me. I look down to see Kankri's hand on my lower arm.

"I just hope this will make you happy again," he says in an almost whisper. I feel a small smile come fourth as I nod, our eyes meet for a second he smiles and turns back to the road ahead.

~oOo~

Sollux stared at his computer screen, re-reading the line over and over, his eyes never leaving the screen.

CG: COOL, I'M ON MY WAY.

Did he really mean that?

His gaze finally broke and he looked down to the floor, a small smile stretched across his features. Sollux swiveled around on his chair, now having nothing to do; looking across his room, he guessed it was kind of dirty. A little cleaning wouldn't hurt; he didn't really like cleaning, but, if KK was visiting, he didn't have much of a choice.

~oOo~

It didn't take that much longer before I could see rather tall buildings come into view as we drove down the highway. I couldn't help myself, I was exited. After all these years, they still welcomed me back. And I was glad to finally be back.

I looked up in wonder as the buildings came closer, I had forgotten how large this city was, it defiantly wasn't anything like the small town I had just gotten used to.

The rain eased up slightly as we drove into the city, my gaze flickered across the modern scenery, not that there was really much to look at, though; it was mostly boring people going about their pitiful lives, cars parked along the side of the road and up driveways, houses and the occasional fence tagged in graffiti by the local children. Really quite boring.

I looked up to Kankri, he looked like he was concentrating a little too hard considering we used to live here with mum and dad. He should know where to go, after all, it was only Sollux' house; I used to get him to drive me there all the freaking time.

"You okay?" I ask as his expression grows darker; trying to hide the slight worry in my voice.

"Y-yeah…" he answered back, his frown not lifting any. I sigh, well, there goes that idea.

He shakes his head; I pretend like I don't notice, Kankri looks to me then quickly back to the road. "God I hate this place…" he mumbles under his breath.

The car rolls to a stop outside a small house, nostalgia washing over me like a freaking tidal wave and I shiver, remembering everything we did here in this house. It was like my second home; I used to practically live here when my parents fought. I felt tears pricking my eyes as I memories came flooding back. "What the hell are you waiting for?" I hear Kankri say behind me as I snap out of my thoughts.

"Oh, aren't you coming in too?" I ask, opening the car door and stepping out into the rain.

"No, I'm just gonna drive around for a little longer, it still feels a little weird…" His voice drops at the last part. I nod my understanding, close the door and before I can make it to the front door, I'm absolutely soaked.

Fucking perfect.

I ring the doorbell, hearing shuffling behind the door, I take a step back. The door swings open and that's when I feel like I've gone deaf.

Feferi swings open the door and takes a flying hug at me, she wraps her long thin arms around my neck and I practically drown in her mass of black curly hair. "KARKAT!" she squeals right next to my ear. I struggle to get free but her death-grip is really too much. I manage to choke out a 'hi' but I don't think she heard me above her own excitement and dribblings of 'oh my cod'.

"Seriously, Fef, what the hell are you squawking about this ti–.." Sollux stops, his mouth open in shock. I flash him a look of 'help' and he quickly comes to the rescue. "Fef, calm down already before KK goes deaf," he manages to catch her attention long enough to reason with her. She pouts but lets her arms drop from around my shoulders back to her sides.

"Karkat, why are you all wet?" Feferi questions as she comes to realize I was soaking.

"Because I thought it would be a fucking brilliant idea to take a fucking bath in my clothes." She looks at me confusion written all over her bright face. "It's fucking raining, did you not realize, Feferi…. I was walking in the rain,"

Her eyes light up at the mention of rain, "Oh, yeah! It's raining," she said sheepishly, her eyes darting past me to take a look outside.

Sollux giggles a little at my reaction, "How 'bout we come inside and you can dry off a little, KK," he gestures with his hand for me to follow. Fef stares at the rainclouds a little longer before closing the front door and joining us in the lounge room.

I immediately make a bee-line for the couch and flop down on it unceremoniously, not caring for what I was currently lying on.

"fuck I'm tired," I mumble out, rolling onto my side and curling up, Sollux only glares at me.

"Seriously, KK. Get off my fucking couch, you're wet as hell and I'll be damned if you're gonna soak the cushions too," he crosses his arms, I sigh and sit up, matching his glare.

"Fine," I grumble, standing up. "Got anything I could wear while my clothes dry?"

Aradia pipes up from behind her magazine, "There's some of Gamzee's old clothes in the spare room. I'm sure they'll fit you." She winks at Soll, a cheeky smile playing at her red lips. Sollux returns her smile as he walks out of the room to go fetch some clothes and I go trudge my way into the kitchen - where it's tiled and nobody gives a shit if it get's a bit wet - and sit on the cold floor.

Sollux come in with a handful of black and spotty clothes. I groan getting up, feeling my joints pop as I come into a standing position. Taking the hand-me-downs I find a room to get changed in. Checking myself in the mirror twice and sigh, the pants were huge on me, not to mention the grey spots looked totally wrong. The shirt brought those bastard tears back to sting my eyes, I run my fingers over the faded indigo symbol, a single tear slipped down my reddening cheeks as I close my eyes and fall to the floor, hugging my knees tight to my chest.

There are three sharp knocks to the door that snaps me out of my current state. I sniff a couple times and rub at my eyes, I look to the door from my place on the floor, "W-what?" I ask, knowing I sounded stupid for letting my voice crack like that.

"You alright, Karkat? you've been in there for a while, Sol asked me to see if you needed any help," Aradia spoke from behind the large wooden door. She twisted the door handle until it popped open, peering inside she found Karkat huddled up on the soft carpeted floor. I stood up, meeting her red-massacred gaze and faked a small smile, "Yeah, just tired…" I yawn to prove my statement; she sighed and stuffs her hands in her jacket pocket.

"Okay, if you say so," She eyes me as I walk out, carrying my wet shit to go hang up in the laundry before going to meet with Sollux back in the lounge room.

~oOo~

"So, how'd you go?" Sollux asks me as I walk into the room, resuming my spot on the couch. I don't even get a chance to reply before he breaks out into a full-blown laughing fit. I glare at him; I didn't look _that_ bad... Did I? I look down to Gamzee's old polka-dotted pants I was currently wearing. Yes. I really did look that bad. To make it even worse, I looked like Gamzee when he was five. I scowl at Sollux and his laughing eases up enough for him to hear me.

"Sollux," I start off, fingering the hem of the large over-sized shirt, "can we go for a walk if it's finished raining?" He quiets down to a few giggles here and there.

"It's a little late, isn't it? We can go in the morning, besides, I don't think the rain is going to stop anytime soon…" My eyes meet the floor, I nod quietly my fingers tightening around the black fabric I wore. I look up to see Sollux's hand resting on my shoulder, giving a comforting squeeze. "So, tell me, What have you been up to KK?"

"Well," I begin to tell him all about my life up until now, what it was like living with Kankri, my mini-meltdowns from time to time and how I missed everyone. After about four hours in we all eventually fell asleep in our seats.

**Hey, I was going to make this longer buuuuut, I decided against it in favor of another long chapter next time. **

**Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm soooo fucking sorry this is late or whatever. I'm procrastinating I know but this always happens when I write fics so please have patience with me. I just got my reportcard and it turns out I've 'V' graded pretty much every class I took… I'm actually quite upset but I knew it from the start. I'm failing everything I attempt so the last thing I need is for people to be on my back about other things outside my academic. **

**Again, I'm really sorry. I'll try to update sooner next time. u_u;**

I awoke the next morning to the smell of bacon, rubbing my eyes I sit up, looking around to see if anyone was around. "Karkat~" I hear my name being called from the kitchen, "Breakfast is ready!" I let a small smile slip while no one was watching and make my way into the kitchen.

I sit down at the island bench, taking my usual seat – That being where I used to sit all those years ago – and look across to Aradia, standing over the stove-top, her burgundy hair tied up in a messy bun. She sees me sit down and gives me a warm; almost motherly smile, "Good morning," She chirps. I smile back weakly, scratching under my chin, "Yeah… Morning,"

Sollux giggles from his spot next to Feferi; "Still not a morning person, I see," He teases, shoveling a mouthful of bacon into his mouth with a shit-eating grin still plastered across his smug face.

I raise my middle finger in his general direction, without looking at him, "Yeah, Well… fuck you," I grumble. He only proceeds to giggle like a little girl and we get on with breakfast without much fuss.

I finish tying up my shoelaces and stand up, using the wall to steady myself. "I'm going for a walk," I call out, "Did you want me to get anything?" I hear a quiet 'We need milk,' from the lounge, I nod, opening the door and leaving. "Sure".

Stuffing my hands into the overly large pockets of the pre-owned pants I was wearing I sighed, the air was milder than back home and I much preferred it. It didn't sneak in an extra cold chill when the wind blew my hair over my face. I really did like it here, I don't even remember why I ever thought it was a good idea to leave… I rub my shoulder on my cheek – my lazy attempt to scratch it because I didn't want to take my hands out of my pockets – and smile. The shirt still smelled of Gamzee even though I had slept in it. I had to admit, though; despite its size, it was actually really comfortable. I continue at my leisurely pace, stopping every once in a while to take in the scenery, it wasn't all that busy for a Friday morning, I thought people had jobs to go to…

I make my way to the supermarket, taking my time with picking out shit that I would eat. Mostly just pre-packaged food like pasta and instant noodles; that's all I needed to eat, right? Everyone knows humans can live off bread.

I head to the register, picking out a chocolate bar too as I wait in like with my armful of shit – including the godamned milk. As I'm about to pay for my stuff, I spot a small cat, sitting outside the door, on the street, I pay for my shit and go after the cute little furball.

It look up at me and meows, I smile and kneel down, petting its small grey head. It purs in response and head-butts my knee in appreciation; before turning around and walking off, it keeps looking back to me, almost as if it was telling me to follow. But of course it's a fucking cat! What else am I supposed to do? I follow it down into an alleyway, it sits down on a step near a garbage bin and looks up to me.

It paws at the plastic bag in my hand and circles around my legs, meowing every couple of seconds. I come to the realization that it's probably hungry, I sit down, next to the kitty and rummage through the bag in search for something animals can eat that's not dry noodles. I'm about to pull a small box of cereal out when I feel a sharp pain in my side, I fall onto my side from my sitting position and before I know it I'm struck again, this time in the stomach. I hiss in pain as I feel myself be dragged up by the front of my shirt, I touch the wall with the palms of my hands as I feel myself being lifted up off the ground by my 'attacker'. I look up to meet the gaze of the other, I see him raise his fist to hit me again, I close my eyes, flinching away and hold my breath. I feel the grip on the front of my shirt loosen as I also feel my feet touch the ground. I open my eyes and blink a few times, looking up at the other male. My breath stops in my throat as I feel like I've forgotten how to operate my lungs. "G-" is all I can muster before I start feeling dizy from the lack of air.

"K-Karbro?" I hear him ask, which snaps me out of my current not breathing-ness. I'm still unable to speak so I nod softly. I feel strong arms wrap around my neck and torso and I think I'm about to die, then he does something I really didn't expect. He starts crying.

Flat out crying, murmuring things in-between loud sobs and sniffles. I found my own arms weave their way around the taller males' waist, gently rubbing his back and patting him every now and then.

"I-I thought I'd never see you again…" he sobs into my messy hair, tightening his grip around my chest. I feel tears well up in my eyes as well as I shush him, papping his back as I do so.

"It's okay, Gamz," I murmur in between shooshes. He seems to calm down considerably, well, enough so I can understand what he's blabbering on about.

"K-Karbro… I-I can't believe you're really here…" he lets go for a brief second to look over me, just to make sure it was actually me. He sniffs, rubbing at his bloodshot eyes, "W-why are you wearing that?" he asks, sounding genuinely confused. I look down to see I'm wearing his old clothes. I mentally smack my face.

I shrug half-heartedly, he smiles at this, holding onto my shoulders, I reach up and wipe his eyes free of tears.

"Gamzee, did you want to come back with me to Sollux's place?" He looks a little surprised at this, he smiles, pulling me into another hug.

"Actually… Karbro, can we just stay here a little longer, it feels like for-motherfucking-ever since I've seen you…" he laughs a little, sniffling again. I nod, resting my head on his shoulder. He sure as fuck got taller since high school.

We both sit down on a step, and we start talking, about everything and nothing all at once, the little kitten cane to join us, it jumped up on Gamzee's lap, he explained that the cat was like his scouter, the cat would lure people into the alley and then Gamzee would beat the shit out of them, take what he needed and leave. He also claimed that the kittens name was '_Kar_' so it would be the _Kar-Cat_, named after his _best motherfucking friend_. I laughed, Gamzee really didn't seem like he'd changed much, and I really liked that… At least, he never hinted he'd changed… it felt like he was still keeping shit from me, though; like how he would avoid certain subjects or wouldn't look at me in the eye. But it didn't really bother me to really notice it at the time. I was just happy I was finally able to see him again.

**HERE. HAVE SOME GAMZEE. **

**I'm gonna go off and cry now… **

**Please review. **_**lessthanthree**_


	6. Chapter 6

"Are we still friends?"

The question sent shivers down my spine, I look up at the taller male, a nervous smile printed across my features, "Why would you ask that… Is it a trick question?" He lets out an uneasy laugh, scratching the side of his head.

"You're just seemed a little distant…" he comments, "I was just-"

"Of course we are, why would we stop now?" I cut him off, looking straight up at him. He visibly relaxes and sighs.

"Yeah, guess so," he laughs, and I find myself laughing too. He stands up, offering his hand to help me up as well as grabbing the discarded shopping.

~oOo~

"KK?" Sollux called out, peeking his head out from his bedroom.

"Karkat's out," Aradia called back, flicking through a new book she had found lying around. "I told him to get milk while he was out, I don't know what's taking him so long though,"

"He probably got lost," Sollux laughed, coming to join Aradia and Feferi in the lounge.

"I doubt it," Feferi smiled, "Though _you_ would like that, wouldn't you~" she teased, poking him in the shoulder.

The Gemini glared behind his glasses, "Then you could be all like _KK! I wathhh tho worried about you~_" Feferi smirked, trying her best to impersonate Sollux's lisp.

"Riiiiight," He rolled his eyes, looking to the side while the two girls continued poking fun at him. "Seriously, though; what if he got hurt… you know this isn't really the safest place to be wondering around on your own,"

Aradia's smile faltered, "We know that, Sol, but he's old enough to take care of himself,"

Fef closed her eyes and sighed, running her fingers through her dark locks, "Aradia, I think he means Gamzee… He's still out there and he's not safe to be around, we all know how unstable he is, what if he found Karkat and hurt him…" her fingers knitted together in her lap, a stern undertone to her voice.

The Aries' sighed, "I know that, But… If Kar was the problem, then wouldn't that mean he'd also be the solution?" The two others shrugged; all silently agreeing they wouldn't discuss this further.

~oOo~

I feel my phone go off in my pocket, I sigh as I read over the new text message.

'S9rry, 6r9ther, I went h9me with9ut y9u. I c9uldn't stay there much l9nger.

I h9pe that's 9kay with y9u.'

I smile, Kankri was probably having another mental breakdown again. I stop walking as I type my reply.

'THAT'S FINE, I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO STAY. I WANT TO STAY A LITTE WHILE SO I'LL TEXT YOU WHEN I'M DONE HERE.'

Not a minute later after I pressed the 'send' button, Kankri replies.

'9kay. Thanks.'

Gamzee looks over my shoulder, "What'cha doin~" I roll my eyes and glare up at him.

"What if I was texting my girlfriend?" I quip; he looks down at the ground and makes a sort of distressed grunt. He doesn't answer for about a minute, "I was joking, I don't have a girlfriend." He continues to mope and I give him a light punch in the arm. He looks at me, his clownish makeup getting the best of me and I smile. He smiles too and before we knew it we were practically rolling 'round in a fit of giggles.

We walk up to Sollux' front door, I try the doorknob, seeing as it was unlocked, I swing the door open, only to find Sol, Fef and Aradia all sitting around in a circle on the floor playing a board game. "Oh hey, Karkat," Feferi greeted as I walked in, Noticing Gamzee standing nervously on the porch I grab his wrist and drag him inside, after me. I acknowledge Fef's greeting with a wave and continue dragging Gamzee in.

I stand kind of awkwardly in front of my friends, "Uh, would it be alright is Gam joined us?" I shuffle my feet, taking the grocery bag from Gamzee's tight grasp. Sollux whips his head around to look at us. I now had their full attention.

"WHAT?" Sol shrieked, "Where the everloving shit did you find him?"

My gaze drops to the suddenly very attractive carpet and give a small shrug, "I-I… Don't know… it just... sort of happened." I reply honestly. I hear him sigh, probably thinking this over.

"Fine, As long as he stays in your room and you take full responsibly over him," I look up, Sollux took off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose.

I look up to Gamzee, a small smile coming forth, I can tell he's amused by Sollux as well, "What is he? A puppy?" I question, Sollux just rubs his eyes and puts his glasses back on, not wanting to argue further. "Yay! I get a puppy!" I mock, turning and jumping on Gamzee who just catches me due to his sheer size. I nuzzle the side of his neck while Gamzee adjusts his hold on my tiny frame. I point toward the hall and he carries me to 'our' bedroom – which is just the spare room to begin with.

Gamzee practically threw me on the bed, I landed on my butt, rolling onto my side. He crawled on after me on his hands and knees. "Good puppy," I giggle.

He barks, sitting back on his legs. I close my eyes, running my hand through my hair, Gamzee shifts from his spot, I feel his weight move from one side to the other, I open an eye to find him looking over me. "Shoo," I murmur, waving my hand so I could sit up. He obediently scoots back and I push the pillows up against the headboard so make a comfortable sitting spot; Not that anywhere else on this fluffy bed wasn't comfortable, it was just that this spot had a pillow-y back rest. I motion for Gamzee to come sit with me, he complies, laying down with his head on my lap. My fingers somehow found their way into his messy black hair, massaging his scalp with little scratches from time to time. I feel Gam let out a sigh, I look down to him and smile, he rolls onto his back and smiles up at me. We stay like this for what feel like forever, just the two of us; enjoying each others company. It used to be like this, back before the whole shitfest started. Before my life got so fucked up, I really liked how things had turned out though. I can honestly say now that I feel at peace. Gamzee closes his eyes, taking deep, steady breaths. I, too feel myself start to slip from the grip of consciousness as I close my eyes and slip into a peaceful slumber.

When I awoke, Gamzee wasn't there; I didn't really think anything of it. I mean, he wasn't really a dog. I had no actual control over him. I wander off to the bathroom, to find him standing in front of the vanity mirror. Just… staring at his reflection. "Gamzee?" I ask, he grunts, I walk toward him cautiously, "Are you okay?" He breaks his staring contest with the mirror and looks over my form, a feeling of nervousness washing over me.

"Yeah, motherfucker, I'm all up and fine." He turns to face me, reaching out, pulling me into a warm embrace. I let go a breath I didn't notice I was holding as I feel his steady heartbeat against my own. I wrap my arms around his waist, giving him a comforting squeeze. "I'm real motherfuckin' hungry, wanna get something to eat?" I nod; he lets me go, leading me by the wrist out into the kitchen.

Sollux gives me a weird look as I enter the kitchen, practically in hands with my 'puppy'. I snatch my hand back, Gamzee doesn't seem to notice. I take a seat at the counter next to Sol. "So, has he peed on the rug yet?" Sollux gave a shit eating grin. I folded my arms across my chest in a huff.

"No, But even if he did it would be_ your_ rug," I see Gam give a victorious grin as he pulls out some two minute noodles and dumps in on the counter in front of me. I gaze up at him with a 'are you serious' kind of look. He just continues on with that dopey smile of his. "Fine.." I mumble out and get to work on feeding my puppy. Sol just continues with his little school girl giggles.

"So," Aradia spoke up, "How have you been, Gamzee?" Gam shrugged, shoving another fork full of noodles into his mouth.

"Alright, I guess… " he mumbled around the fork.

She seemed a little put off by his lack of an answer, Aradia knew full well how he'd been. "So where have you been, you just sort of… disappeared on us, all of us were so worried," Again Gamzee shrugged.

"Around.." he said after swallowing, he kept his voice down, eyes downcast; "Not like a motherfucker can complain, though; I chose to motherfuckin' leave," He set his fork down on the edge of the bowl, "It's all nice you were all up and worried about this motherfucker but… You really shouldn't be."

Aradia frowned, she really didn't want to ruin the happy atmosphere any more, although it did make her wonder why Gamzee didn't want to talk, was it because Karkat was there? Who knows. All that mattered was he was happy now and he and Karkat would continue to me happy.

"What's the time.." I asked, Sollux pulled out his phone.

"Almost ten.." I sighed, rather loudly, how long had I been asleep?

"Fuck it, then. I'm goin' to bed." I mumble, getting up from my spot at the counter. Gamzee is quick to follow after me, he places his dirty fork and bowl in the dishwasher and awaits the sure to follow head pap and praise. Sollux smirks in amusement.

"I see you got him well trained," He lisps; Gamzee nods and Sollux only laughs harder. "See you two in the morning then,"

We're not even halfway to out room when Gamzee sweeps me off my feet – quite literally - and dashes down the hall; kicks open the room and dumps me on the bed again. I look up to meet his gaze; my eyes widen as I realize his face is only inches from mine. Gamzee smiles, closes his eyes – and what he did was the last thing I expected from him.

HE LICKS THE TIP OF MY NOSE.

I scoot away from him, he cocks his head to the side. "Karbro?" he hops onto the bed, crawling after me; My face now completely red from embarrassment I give up, laying face down in the pillows I had set up earlier.

"Karbro?" I hear him ask again, he places a hand on my shoulder.

"Whaaaaaat?" I groan, trying to salvage whatever dignity I had left. I feel his hand fun through my hair.

"I'm motherfuckin' sorry…" I peek at him from the side, he's looking away from me; Fingers fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

I sigh, pushing myself away from the mound of pillows, "You don't have to be," I say calmly, pushing myself onto his lap. "You've been good," He's about to say something when I cut him off. I press my lips against his. He stiffens at my touch but slowly snaps out of it. I break the kiss, trying to find something to look at that's not him as soon as I open my eyes.

Gamzee smiles, "I'm not a puppy, y'know," he speaks in a low growl, draping his arms around my neck to bring me in for another kiss.

**Cliff'd ya. Hahaha. **

**This is to make up for such a short shitty chap last time. So have some fluff. Merry whatever you celebrate this time of year. **

**Happy holidays. And as your gift to me, please drop a review on your way out, Thank you. **

**-TK**


	7. Chapter 7

_Gamzee smiles, "I'm not a puppy, y'know," he speaks in a low growl, draping his arms around my neck to bring me in for another kiss._

"I know," I murmur against his lips, Gamzee pulls back, readjusting me on his lap.

He looks at me, watching as I pull the covers back so I can wriggle my way into the bed. Gamzee snatches one of the many pillows, throws it to the floor and get up off the bed to look through one of the wardrobes, picking a blanket from the over-head compartment. "What are you doin'?" I ask, watching him closely.

He lays the blanket down on the carpet, next to the pillow and shuffles into his makeshift bed. "Sleepin on the floor…" He looks up at me from his spot on the floor, "'Cause dogs aren't allowed on the bed,"

Oh, he was going to play_ that_ game.

"Alright, then," I mumble, I adjust the pillow under my head, "You're welcome up here at any time, y'know,"

Gamzee smiles, "Naw, Karbro. This motherfucker can't all up an' be doin' that,"

I turn the light off and close my eyes. This was so different… It almost didn't feel right but I didn't want to be saying anything. "Gam?" I try after what seemed like forever.

No reply.

Great, he must be asleep already. I sigh, changing position again. It seemed like I was lying there for eternity, I kept checking my phone for the time and every time it was just another ten minutes later. Sitting up, I growl in frustration, it was now almost two in the morning and I still hadn't gotten a wink of sleep, despite the fact I could barely keep my eyes open if I tried. "Fuck it.." I grab a pillow and throw it on the floor where I thought Gam would be. I hear it hit something, "Shit.." I whisper, getting up from my spot, turns out after retrieving the pillow I hit his head. "Gam?" I try again. Silence. Good, I didn't wake him. I lift a corner of the blanket and wiggle my way in there next to him. I turn to face my sleeping friend; I find his hand and interlock my fingers with his much larger ones. I sigh once more, actually feeling rather tired and before I even knew what I had done; I was out like a light.

_Once again I was standing in a now familiar blackness, I squinted to try and see anything further; but of course this being a dream my own mind wouldn't allow it. Not that I actually knew that as it was happening but come to a realization after the whole ordeal and wake up. I take a step backwards, keeping my eyes wide as I listen out for any sort of movement. A bike horn sounds in the distant, it's feint but I whip my head around in it's direction and start walking. The honks start going off in all different directions now and I stop walking, listening carefully; almost as if I was blind. The noises got louder and more threatening. I turned on my heal and ran as fast as my short little legs could carry me. I shut my eyes tight as my chest started to ache and I looked up only to see a wall covered in weird paint. There was a large amount of olive green covering the wall, it was still dripping, making it seem as if someone just threw a bucket full of paint on the it. There were a few splatters of a dark blue and an off yellow. I stopped at the colourful wall to catch my breath, I touched a hand to the colours and it felt quite thick and almost meaty against my slender fingertips. I hear a low growl which quickly catches my attention, I turn so my back is against the wall, bracing myself for whatever's out there, I turn my head to the side to see a blur of brown and white – the white being a club if I remember correctly – the brown, well… I'm at a loss for that one. The club made bone-crushing contact with my skull, I was knocked onto the ground once more. I tried sitting up but there was so much brown liquid, I was almost swimming in it. _

_The brown sludge smelled horrid, it was burning my nose as I slipped around trying to gain my footing. I look up to the monster, the one who had hit me with the club, he was standing there, his usual clown paint was smudged, revealing his grey skin in some places, a strong indigo colour was dripping down the side of his face, his hair covering the most of anything else above his eyes. Another thing I noticed, too, was his eyes. They weren't their usual cool yellow but were a fiery orange. He switched the club to his other hand as he took aim at me once more. I lifted a sludge covered arm to protect my head, closing my eyes and just take this as it came._ But it never came.

I open my eyes and all I see is black, I blink a few times and the black starts to tickle my face. I then realize I'm staring at the back of Gamzee's head. I sigh in relief, closing my eyes again to try and rest up some more.

I felt Gamzee stir, he rolled onto his back, taking me with him in the process, I hadn't noticed the arm he had hooked around my waist before then. "Ah.. Gamzee…" I struggled to break free, sitting up to give him my signature death glare. He didn't even open his goddamn eyes.

"Hey, motherfucker," he spoke rather softly, a lazy grin playing at his lips.

"Fuck off," I grab my pillow and stand to go back to my bed. He just cracks open an eye to watch me as I leave.

"Hey, now, this motherfucker didn't say you had to come down here now did I," He sat up and rubbed his eyes. I rolled my eyes at how relaxed he was.

I fold my arms across my chest in a huff, looking away. "I… I couldn't sleep…" I confessed, finding everything else to look at that wasn't him. I heard him get up and felt the bed dip as he sat down next to me.

I look up to him cautiously to see that easy-going smile of his.

Godfuckingdamnit.

Why did he have to make everything so damn difficult.

"fuck off," I mumble, sliding off the bed and away from him. I find my clothes Feferi had washed and folded for me placed neatly on the dresser. I grab a towel also, shooting Gamzee a death glare before I stormed out of the room; making sure to slam the door on my way out to the bathroom.

~oOo~

Gamzee just stared after I had left, taking his time to collect his thoughts.

_The motherfuck did I do?_

Gamzee sighed, deciding to skip his shower and started rummaging through the draws of his old room; back when it was just him and Sollux living there; before all that girl noise. He was hoping that after they had graduated he Sollux and Karkat could live there, but of course, Karkat had other plans. He found an old pair of black jeans and a grey long-sleeved shirt, deciding it was good enough; the Capricorn stripped and threw on his old clothes. He smiled when he remembered the sight of his little Karkles wearing his old clothes.

Motherfucking adorable.

Now _that_ is what miracles were made of.

~oOo~

I growl seeing my reflection in the mirror.

Fucking hideous.

I had a large red scratch running across my left cheek. I didn't even know how it happened. It wasn't that bad or anything it was just that I was so damn pale it was just really noticeable. I run my finger down its length; it didn't hurt, it wasn't or hadn't ever bled. It was just… I shake my head, trying to forget it's there and will try my best to have fun with my friends today, after all, now with Gamzee here I feel like I can finally relax. I continue to get dressed and then hike all the way back down to my room.

I open the door to find Gamzee sitting in the middle of the floor, clothes strewn about the small room. "Hey motherfucker," he greets as if everything was normal. I see him curl his fingers around a small slip of paper, no bigger than Polaroid film. He's obviously trying to hide it from me so I pretend like I don't see it.

"Goddamn it Gamzee… why are there clothes everywhere?" I frown as he just shrugs and looks around the room as if he's just noticed its state now. "Seriously? I can't leave for five fucking minutes to take a fucking shower? Do I have to sit with you every waking hour of the fucking day just to make sure you don't fuck up anything else? What are you; a child? No, you know what; don't fucking answer that; I already know the fucking answer." I take a deep breath; about to start a whole new round when Gamzee finally looks up from his spot.

"I don't motherfucking remember all this noise…" I can see he's just as confused as I am. I sigh, stuffing my hands into my pockets; I make a mental note to clean this up later.

"You know what, Gamz? Lets go out for a smoke," I offer, I see him light up at this and I smile inwardly. He knows I don't smoke but he does, he's probably just stressed so this – despite the fact it's fucking poison – will do him some good in the short term. All I need to do now is keep him amused while he calms down and gets his shit together.

We sit down on the front porch, he lights up a cigarette and I open a bottle of Faygo. No one I know actually likes this stuff except for Gamzee, I'll never admit it but I don't think it's that bad so I'll drink it occasionally. I take a sip and offer some to Gam, he smiles at the gesture; taking a long drag before blowing the grey smoke in the opposite direction to where I was sitting. You never would have guessed it but Gamzee was actually one of the most considerate people I knew. He knows I hate cigarette smoke so he tries his best to evade me. I look up to meet his eyes, his lazy smirk curled around a cigarette. I try not to stare but I continue to anyway, I haven't actually told anyone this but I've always thought Gamzee was just downright sexy. But shhh you can't tell anyone I said that. Sollux will kick my ass if he found out.

Our staring contest was then interrupted by none other than Sollux himself, bursting through the front door. I tore my gaze away and pretended there was something more interesting to look at; which just resulted in me looking rather boredly at the smooth concrete steps leading out the driveway. Gamzee; however just continued to look me over; I could feel it. This did strike me as kind of odd, though. Gamzee doesn't normally stare at me like this; actually; now that I think about it, Gam has not really been the one to do any of this sort of stuff. He would normally just sit down with either a cigarette or a joint of weed and play his guitar. He wasn't one much for being social, as evident as back when we were still at school he would always decline the _'cool kids's'_ offer to sit with them.

None of that mattered now, I was with my friends at last and we would all try to get along and be happy.

At least that's what I thought.

***gasps* Oh noes. *insert epic duns***

**What is wrong with me? I've been writing like crazy. I'm sorry there wasn't much plot development in this, though… I'm still trying to get the feel of the characters. So, I'll just keep updating whenever I can.  
Funny story, though; I split open my pinkie finger so it made typing this painful, not to mention I had to stop for a bit because I was getting blood all over my keyboard... A for EFFORT. Yay me. I feel like I've accomplished great things.  
**

**Oh, and also, if you could keep up the AWESOME reviews. That is what's making me pump out chapters like this. **

**Love you~**

**-TK. **


	8. Chapter 8

"What'cha guys doing?" Sollux lisped, sitting on the hand rail near the stairs where we sat.

"Havin' a motherfucking smoke," Gamzee replied blankly, a somewhat absent expression on his face. He hadn't put on his clown make-up this morning, making the three large scars that stretched across his face more noticeable. I wince at the memory on how it had happened. I chase away the thought when I hear Sollux speak up again.

"I didn't know you drank Faygo, KK," Sol smirks, making his overbite massively obvious.

I look down at the bottle of redpop in my hand, averting my gaze. "I don't," I lied, "I'm just holding it for Gam," Okay, that part was partly true.

He makes a sort of snort sound, Gam gives a lazy smile, grabbing the Faygo from me and takes a long dink from the bottle before handing it back to me. "S-see?" I sound unsure, Damnit, Gamzee, why do you have to save me every fucking time?

Gamzee finishes off his cigarette, snuffs it on the pavement and chucks it the bin. He takes my hand, dragging me up with him, he drags me inside with him, I shoot a glance at Sollux, who in turn just smiles, jumps off the railing and follows us inside.

"Gamzee?" he turns to face me, "Can we go clean up that mess you made earlier? if you're feeling better, that is," He just gives me a lazy smile, nods and drags me down the hall to our room.

I start up with folding some of the stray clothing, placing it on the bed in neat piles before placing them back in the cupboard. Gamzee kind of just stares at the pile of bike horns from the bed, I didn't even know he had that many horns in the first place, sure he used to carry a couple around with him and scare the living shit out of people on occasion but this was scary. There was literally a pile of them, no less than a meter tall. I sigh, walking over to the horns, where the hell did he keep these anyway? "Gamzee?" I try, he shakes his head, snapping out of whatever mad zoning out he was doing.

"Yeah, bro?" he finally answers slowly.

"Are... you okay?" I ask, sitting down with him on the bed. He shoves a piece of paper in his pocket, turning his gaze away from me. He nods quietly, knotting his fingers together. I sigh, running my fingers through my dark hair, I reach over to the bedside table, picking up two jars of paint, one white, the other grey. I open the white first, using my fingers to smear the paint thickly on Gamzee's scarred face; He just kind of stares at me for a while before cracking a small smile. "Quit moving," I growl quietly, he obeys, relaxing his features, making it easier for me as I then smear grey paint around his lips, eyes and cheekbones.

"There," I mumble, he cracks the same lazy smile as before, reaching across to hug me. "Stop it, you'll get paint on me you idiot," I swat him away but he just keeps that lazy smile plastered across that adorable face of his. I place the facepaint back on the small unit beside the bed and go back to cleaning up this mess of a room. I do prefer to be living in a clean environment.

After a while, Gamzee slides off the bed and starts kicking some of the horns back into the sliding wardrobe. So that's where they were hiding…

I pick up a couple of slips of paper that were half peeking out from under the bed, most of them were receipts some were shopping lists and assorted notes and one was a.. Photo. I flip it over, it was taken on our last day of school. It was Gam and I, he was carrying me bridal style and I looked like I was about to maul him; he just smiled that lazy smile of his. Fucking typical.

I go over to the a chest of drawers to put the paper away, I open the middle draw to find it full of photos. Most of them looked like they were taken on his phone and just printed out from a computer. Something else I noticed, they all had me in them. I was about to reach in and pull out a couple when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I jump slightly at the sudden feeling.

"Karbro, you shouldn't go through peoples stuff," the Capricorn said softly. I nod, stepping away from the furniture.

"Sorry," I mumble, also handing him the papers I found under the bed. "I'm just trying to help clean up…" I add quickly. I go back to folding clothes, the air turned deadly awkward, and stayed that way until the place race clean enough by my standards. Gamzee didn't say anything after that.

I turn to Gamzee, who has a juggling club sitting idly in his large hand, my eyes widen as I take a step back, "W-why do you have t-that," I swallow deeply, sweat starting to leak from my forehead. Gamzee looks down at the club, grips it tight and swings it up in the air, catching it by the neck on it's way down, he does this a couple more times, a bored expression o his features. My hands start getting cold and sticky as I rub them hard against my jeans.

"What's motherfuckin' wrong with you?" he looks from me to the club in his hand, seemingly studying the red and white pattern on the instrument.

"N-nothing, there's nothing fucking wrong, fuckass," I force out, the scene far too familiar from my dre- nightmare last night. Only Gamzee wasn't grey and had horns. He was just a normal human… yeah, Gamzee? Normal? Who the fuck was I trying to kid? Gamzee was far from normal…

He tosses the club up in the air once more before sliding off the bed once more coming to stand next to me.

I take a deep breath, collecting some composure, I couldn't tell Gam what I really thought, so instead, I just glared at him.

There was something wrong with Gamzee, I just couldn't quite pick it though, regardless, it was making me a nervous wreck.

We walked back out into the kitchen, Gam slid into his seat, next to Sol, I got out a couple slices of bread, toast it is.

I'm a lazy fuck.

Shut up.

I try my hardest, trying to keep up my pissed off façade, I growl as I look through the cupboards for something to put on my toast. I settle for Nutella. I needed something sweet, something nice and sugary to stop me from having a panic attack.

"What the MOTHERFUCK was that?" I squeak, jumping at the sound. I turn to find Gamzee towering over Sollux, that damned club clutched by white knuckles and twitching fingers. Sollux swallowed thickly, thinking of the right words to use.

"I didn't mean it like that," Sol defended, raising his hands. His coloured glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose slightly; revealing slightly scared eyes.

"Then WHAT the MOTHERFUCK DID you mean?!" Gamzee only seemed to get madder. His jaw was clenching so tight, I could hear his teeth grinding from where I was standing.

He raised his club, striking Sollux across the ribs, causing Sol to tumble to the tiled floor. The Gemini coughed, holding his side, grimacing. "GZ, Stop it.." He sais weakly, "You're overreacting,"

Gamzee cracks a wide, crazed grin, "Overreacting?" he asks quietly, he tossed the club in the air, catching it expertly. "Never MOTHERFUCKIN' heard of it," He stepped closed to where Sol was sprawled on the floor.

"Gamzee fucking stop," I growl out, finally finding my voice. He turns his attention to me, he has such a crazed look in his eyes. It scared the shit out of me.

_Shit._

_Shit. _

_Shit. _

The juggalo strode over to me, "An' what if I don't motherfuckin' want to?" I open my mouth to answer but before I could get a word out he slams the club into the side of my head.

I instantly black out.

_Gamzee, what the fuck is wrong with you? _

~oOo~

I feel something cold against my forehead, it feels really good and I contemplate opening my eyes, daring to find out what it is. It's like heaven, the rest of my face is so hot and hurts so bad. I couldn't even remember why I hurt in the first place.

My eyes flutter open and fall on the one sitting on frond of me. I squawk, instantly regretting my decision.

"Karbro?" Gamzee moves closer, clasping the not bruised side of my face with his cool hand, "Oh my god, Karbro, I was so scared," I try to back out of his touch but my back is met with the back of the couch I was placed on when I was passed out, the wet cloth slides from my forehead and into my lap as I sit up. My bones creak as I force myself into a sitting position.

"Get away from me," I mumble out, my breathing quickening as I slowly started remembering what had happened little then an hour ago.

He cocks his head to the side, "Pardon?"

"Get away from me," I yell, he snaps his hand back. His eyes widen in shock, he looks almost crestfallen; he shuffles back to an appropriate distance.

"Karbro I can-"

"Just leave! I just want to be alone.." Gamzee's eyes fall to the floor as he stands. He rubs his eye, smudging his facepaint further.

"Okay, Karbro.." He turns to leave the room, "I'll be in our room if you need me,"

I mumble out an 'okay' shifting to a more comfortable position.

I hear the door slam shut and the sound of a fist breaking through a wall. I sigh, picking up the damp cloth from my lap and placed against my bruised cheekbone. God damn it hurt, even just pressing my teeth together hurt like absolute hell. I pull my phone out of my pocket checking to see if I had any messages. Only one.

From Kankri.

Go fucking figure.

The only one who actually cares.

I open it; it was short and surprised me.  
'_Are y9u 9kay?'_

I sigh, contemplating weather I should answer him.  
'_YEAH, I JUST HAVE A HEADACHE, NOTHING SERIOUS.'_

I snort at my own answer. Wondering if Kankri actually knew what was going on.  
'_9kay, g99d. I was just h9ping y9u weren't t99 6adly injured.'_

I sigh, I was about to hit reply when I get another text.  
'_S9llux t9ld me what happened, I'm really w9rried'_

That explained a fucking lot.  
'_IT'S JUST BRUISED A LITTLE, I TOLD YOU IT'S NOTHING SERIOUS'_

I toss my phone to the side of the couch, it bounced once and just sat there for a few minutes before the screen lit up and it started throwing a vibrating fit.  
'_just 6e careful, y9ung 6r9ther. Gamzee may n9t still 6e the same pers9n y9u 9nce knew'_

I sighed once again, Kankri was a good big brother, he was just really overbearing and worrisome sometimes. It was still a nice feeling in the back of your heart to know someone loved you that much to be worried, but sometimes, it was just too much. Especially times like this where his head hurt way too much to even think straight… or at all.

My attention was snatched my Sollux who limped into the room, holding a glass of water, he stumbled over, handing the glass to me with a toothy grin.

"Thanks," I mumble taking a small sip, just enjoying the way the water cooled down my throat.

Clutching his side, he flopped down on the couch next to me, "you okay?" he whispered, probably already knowing I had a headache.

"Yeah," I murmur, taking another sip of water. Sol just continues to smile at me, "What?" I ask, feeling his stare on the side of my head.

"Nothing," he shakes his head, a knowing smirk playing on his lips.

"Just tell me," I huff, getting tired of his games. He winks at me; really starting to freak me out.

"Nothing, GZ was crying after he hit you, my god. You wouldn't believe it, the most painful thing I had ever seen," the smirk fell from his lips, he folded his arms across his chest, being careful of his hurt ribs.

"He was?" I question, feeling heat rise to my already hot face.

"Yeah, after me put you on the couch here he just sat here watching you, you were out for almost an hour, he kept mumbling 'I'm sorry' over and over to himself." Sol shifted in my seat. "I'm kind of jealous, he really cares for you, KK," his gaze falls to the floor, "You two aren't…. dating… are you?"

I felt a blush prick my cheeks, "N-no… at least, I don't think we are…" I shift uncomfortably, "he does do weird stuff, though… but I don't think I want to face him anymore… Sol, can I tell you a secret?"

He nods once.

I sigh, taking in a deep breath, "I'm scared…"

* * *

**Review!**

**-TK**


	9. Chapter 9

It's been a week since Gamzee's little… episode. I can't really tell if he's been better or not, he's been sort of quiet. Not that I'm complaining or anything, it's just a little…. Strange for Gamzee being quiet; It was almost… eerie. The way he would slink down the halls to avoid Sollux, was another thing, also.

Probably because he didn't want to risk fighting with him again; and then next time that happens, I'm willing to put money on the fact someone will get hurt.

I roll over in my bed, shifting the pillow under my head, I look down to the floor where Gamzee used to sleep. I hate admitting it but I kind of miss seeing him when I wake up, now that he's sleeping on the couch because I'm so fucking paranoid he'll hurt me again.

I sigh, sitting up, I swing my legs over the edge and stand, my head going a little light at the sudden movement.

I quickly got changed, now that I didn't have to worry about a roommate, and made my way down to the bathroom for my daily routine.

"Gamzee?" I ask, seeing Gam stare at his reflection as I walked into the bathroom. He didn't respond. I cautiously take another step toward him, "Gam?" I try again. I gently place my hand on his shoulder, trying to gain his attention.

"MOTHERFUCKING what?" he snaps, slapping my hand away.

"I- uh, I'm sorry.." I say immediately, recoiling and flinching. Gemzee stops, his eyes soften, he takes a step toward me, backing me against the tiled wall.

"No, Karbro, I'm real motherfucking sorry, I- " he must sense my distress at the sudden closeness and stops moving.

"Get away from me," my gaze drops to my feet. I hear him sigh as he takes a step back, his face making a pained expression, the fact that it looked like he slept in his facepaint didn't help, it was smudged to the shithouse and in parts his scars were showing through.

"Gamzee…" he looks at me, "I'm sorry… Gam.." I couldn't bring myself to look at him. Even now, I really want to hug him but I'm scared, I've never seen him like this before, I really don't know what to do if he did loose it again… I see him nod out the corner of my eye, it's then I decide to take a deep – albeit shaky breath – and move toward him.

I manage to grab the front of his shirt, he's surprised at first but when I rest my head against his chest he soon relaxes, wrapping his strong arms around me, giving me the most comforting hug I've had for a long time.

We stay like that for a while, just listening to the sound of each others breathing, I could hear his heartbeat. It was somewhat soothing.

"Karbro," Gamzee breathes, brushing his nose though my hair.

"Yeah?" I hum back, my fingers tightening in the handful of his shirt I had.

"I don't want you to be scared of me," I feel him heave a sigh, it tickles my head as the air blew past. I take a step back, backing out of the hug to look at him properly. "It hurts when you avoid me," I instantly feel bad, I get a pang deep within my chest as I see the pained look in his eyes. I'm at a loss for words. I don't think I could tell him what I really thought; I don't think he'd be able to handle it. I don't think _I_ could handle it.

I shrug, keeping my gaze fixated on the floor, I hear him sigh again as he walks out. I stay like that until I hear the door shut and I look around.

_Shit_

I shake my head and get on with what I had initially had to do.

Jealous

I make my way into the kitchen, it was only 10 that morning but seeing as everyone was feeling like shit, I though it'd be a great idea to break out a bottle of Jack Daniels, I crack the safety seal, a refreshing smell calming my senses almost immediately.

I pour myself a shot, then filling up the rest of the glass with coke to dilute it a little, I figured even though I was drinking this early I'd build myself up to it.

I take a sip, smiling to myself as the scotch calms me considerably. I decide to make Gamzee one, too; instead of scotch and coke, though; I use peach vodka and kiwi-strawberry Faygo.

I waddle down the hall to our room where I know he's been hiding – he's been in there a lot since he's been avoiding everyone – I knock on the door with my glass, seeing as both my hands were currently full.

The door opens and I'm met with a shirtless Gamzee – only god knows what he's been up to with all this alone time he's had. He spots the drinks I was holding and let me in. I hand him the pink concoction, he hesitates at first. "I loaded it with alcohol," I growl out, he smiles a bit and drinks half the glass.

That's good.

Perhaps if I decide to spike his drink later I should tell him about that, too and he'll have no problem downing it.

I take my seat on the floor,

Gamzee slips a shirt from off the floor somewhere and comes to join me on the floor, I take another sip from my drink. It's amazing what alcohol can do to stress.

Another half a bottle of scotch later I had come up with the greatest idea I could have ever had.

I decided I wanted to play spin the bottle.

I gathered Sollux, the girls and a half-drunk Gamzee, set a discarded vodka bottle down in the middle of us and gave it a twirl. I don't really remember much of it, actually, I know because I'm short alcohol affects me really bad, but at that moment. I can honestly say I didn't give a shit.

And I loved it.

Aradia gave a joking sort of smile as the bottle landed on Feferi, Both girls gave a mini stare-down until Fef sighed, succumbing to the alcohol in her system and crashed her plush lips against Aradia's red ones. Sollux and I gave a whistle as the girls had their little make-out session. I kind of felt sorry for Aradia, though. She hadn't had anything to drink and yet we still forced her to play.

Oh well.

Fef pulled back, her face tinted a light pink as she located the bottle and gave it a hard spin, it spun for a good while, finally slowing to a stop in front of Sollux. Fef gave a small giggle as Sol made a sort of strangled noise, she cupped his face in her hands gently and pulled him in for a slow, almost sensual kiss. Aradia also laughed when sol jerked his head back, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "What's the matter, Sol, never kissed a girl before?" the girls then shared their own round of giggles. Sollux huffed, turning away from their gaggle fest and gave the bottle a somewhat soft spin. It kind of just flopped there, rolled for a bit before deciding I was the one Sol had to kiss.

I took a deep breath to steady myself, not that I really needed to, I wasn't even thinking and I was drunk out of my fucking mind so who cares.

Without a second thought our lips met for the shortest time, I don't think it even counted as a kiss but as I saw the dirty look Gamzee was giving Sollux afterward, I kind of understood why Sol didn't kiss me any longer, probably out of fear for his life. Gamzee was a tad overprotective, though, it's not like we're dating so I don't even understand why he got so jealous all of a sudden.

I saw a blur of black and grey as Gamzee stood up from next to me, his knuckles turning white from clenching his fists. He swung his foot, kicking Sollux in the jaw from his sitting position. Sol quickly scrambled to his feet, "GZ what the hell was that for? It's just a game…"

"Shut the MOTHERFUCK up," Gamzee grabbed Sol by the throat, tightening his grip, Sollux clasped his hands around Gamzee's forearm, in an effort to try and get him to release his neck from Gamzee's killer grip. This only resulted in Gamzee lifting Sol up from his hold, flinging him across the room with unbelievable force. Sol hit the ground, hard, rolling into a small table, causing it to topple onto his already beaten body. Gamzee grabbed for his clubs, clutching them tight; another short swing, straight to the side of Sollux's head.

I sat there, I wanted to move, I wanted to help Sollux but I just couldn't; so I just sat there, like a deer caught in headlights. Everything from there happened so fast, I saw Aradia, rush to Sollux side, cradling his bleeding head in her shaking hands.

Feferi started screaming and sobbing uncontrollably, like me feeling so worthless and unable to help.

"Gamzee," I managed to say, I felt his cold stare on my small form, and it really made me feel vulnerable. Tears filled my eyes as I looked away from the bloody scene, "Gamzee, stop," I whispered through tears.

"Feferi, grab my car keys, we have to get him to the hospital," Aradia stands, lifting up a barely alive Sollux by his arm, blood pools at their feet, staining the beige carpet a deep red. Feferi rushes down the hall in a mad scramble, she comes running into the room, keys in hands and ready to help Aradia carry Sollux out onto Aradia's car.

The door shut behind the three and I kept my gaze fixated on the bloody floor, I honestly couldn't believe what just happened. I rub my eyes roughly with my sleeve, only making more red then what they already were.

I feel a hand on my shoulder; I immediately retreat, crawling into the corner behind the couch. "Karbro?" I hear Gamzee say, obviously snapped out whatever fit of rage he was previously in.

"Don't talk to me," I say, cutting him off from whatever else he was going to say.

"DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME!" I snivel, feeling a new wave of tears come on, I bring my knees up to my chest, resting my head on the tops of them. I feel my jeans starting to soak up my tears as I sob louder, my whole body shaking. This was all my fault. All my fucking fault. It was my idea to get hammered, my idea to play that stupid game and all my fucking fault I couldn't control Gamzee and save my friend.

I'm such a shitty person. I honestly have no idea why I was put on this planet, because if my job was to fuck things up for everyone I know - I sure did a fan-fucking-tastic job at that. I deserve a fucking medal - A fucking plus for effort there on my part.

I hear Gamzee's footsteps leave the room, I look up from my knees, pushing another sob down past the lump in my throat.

About twenty minutes later my phone goes off, blaring my ringtone rather obnoxiously. I snuff once more, wiping my eyes and answer it.

"Hey, Karkat?"

Oh, it was Feferi. I exhale, a strange sensation welling up inside of me.

"Yeah, what is it, Fef? Is Sollux alright?" I question quickly.

I hear the Picies sigh on the other end, preparing her next words.

"Sollux… Isn't breathing…" I get a pounding in my head as those words repeat around my head. Shock settles in and I feel like I can't talk.

"W-what?" I manage to squeak.

"Whale, he bled out all over the backseat, we got stuck in traffic and… whale, things… didn't turn out so swimmingly…" I can hear her sobs as she hands the phone over to Aradia.

"Hey, Kar," I sigh as I hear Aradia's voice cut through my own thoughts. "We did all we could, man. Sometimes, things don't always end the way we want them to," I feel like crying all over again. I know both Aradia and Feferi were really close to Sollux, though, it didn't sound like Aradia was really affected but this, and is she was, she a master at hiding it. Her tone was comforting and endearing, but at the same time it also sounded like she just accepted his passing like any other thing that could have happened. I know death was always kind of her thing, she was known as the creepy girl during highschool so after thinking about it, it didn't really surprise me that she wasn't bawling over this as much as I was. I am soft, I know I am. I've always tried to have that tough guy façade, which included me blowing up at anyone stupid enough to annoy me.

I snap out of my thoughts, somewhere along that I found my voice again, "Okay, Aradia, I'll see you when you get home," I really didn't want to talk about this anymore.

"Yep, sure thing, Karkat. Oh, could you also tell Gamzee, I tried calling him earlier but it went straight through to voicemail," I nod, knowing she couldn't see me over the phone. I wipe my face again, finding my feet I walk out of my corner.

"Okay, bye," I mumble; feeling like absolute shit.

Trotting my way down the hallway, I think of ways to tell Gam, though I have this nagging feeling at the back of my skull that'd he'd be proud of what he's done. Or maybe he'll regret what he's done and he really couldn't control what he was doing in his drunken fit. Either way, I really didn't want to be the guy to tell him.

* * *

**I wasn't originally going to have someone die, however; I was feeling rather Vriska-ish this week, On my last chapter, chapter 8 I got 8 reviews on the first day so I thought, 'hey, I feel like killing someone off'. So that's what I did. I wrote down all the characters names and assigned them a number, and in true Vriska fashion, I rolled dice. Sollux happened to be the one that came up so I had no choice but to go with it. Yeah, I'm not really sure what I would've done if Karkat or Gamzee had come up but I'm glad they didn't because it only makes this easier for me to write. **

**So yeah. Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN/ I got severe writers block so just excuse the shittness of this chapter, I haven't been very motivated lately. I also apologize for taking so long. **

* * *

"_Gamzee, Sollux… didn't make it"._

Gamzee stood completely still, his once dopey eyes were wide in shock, his fingers trembled by his sides. To be honest, I had never seen Gamzee like this before and, I hate to admit it, but, it was incredibly unnerving. I could feel my own fear and anxiety creep back up on me as the air around us grew eerily cold and tense. His gaze dropped, deep blue meeting beige carpet in an attempt to keep up his appearance. He mumbled something, scratching his neck, I too, look down at the floor. I just couldn't look at him, not like this. "You aren't making this up, are you, Karbro?" I hear him murmur, I look to the side, my fingers found their way to my mouth.

"I wish," I mumbled over chewing my thumb nail. He only looks more hurt at this.

"Aradia told me to tell you because neither she or Feferi want to talk to you, and quite frankly, I don't think I really want to, either," I say honestly, taking a cautious step back.

I see him nod quietly from the edge of my vision, seeming to move back as well, "Well…" he begins, seemingly unsure, "Is there going to be a funeral?"

I open my mouth, thinking about it for a second but before I could reply an 'I don't know' I choked up, the lump in my throat made it impossible for me to talk without sounding utterly pathetic. I opted to shrug, I really didn't know if the girls wanted to have a funeral, even if it wasn't traditional or formal. I didn't like the idea of a group mourning, for me it was something you did on your own, so you could really get personal with it. I sigh, feeling my eyes tear up at the thought and I mentally smack myself for being like this in front of Gamzee.

Turning on my heel, I'm about to make my dash for the kitchen with I feel Gam grab my arm, I look up only to be met with a tearstained face. My lip trembles as I too break down in quiet sobs and subconsciously cling to Gamzee like I had done a million times before. His arms rest upon my shoulders as he leads me into our room, we crash on the double bed in a heap that was admittedly comfortable. I buried my face in his shirt as he nuzzled the side of my head, crying into my dark hair. I don't remember how long we stayed like that, or when I had fallen asleep.

I awoke rather groggily, I rubbed my eyes roughly, trying to stop the tiny crack of sunlight from invading their personal space. I shift to a sitting position, moving Gamzee's arm from around my waist back beside the sleeping clown. He stirs a little at the movement but thankfully doesn't wake. I let out a shaky sigh as I run my ringers through my messy mop of hair, trying to gather my thoughts through this monster of a headache that had the misfortune of clinging to my brain like fucking peanut butter. I feel the bed shift as Gam rolled over, also seeming to hide from the invading light, I finally make my way to my feet, only to close the curtain and go sit back down next to the clown.

A wave of guilt washes over me as I stare at Gamzee, I let this happen… This is all my fault.

But what's done is fucking done. You can't just bring someone back to life; amd fucking crying about it isn't going to fucking do shit. I felt like I needed to do something, so Sollux's death wouldn't seem like such a waste of a friendship. I didn't make friends all that easily, so the few I had were greatly cherished, even if I was really bad at outwardly showing it.

I place my head in my pale hands, my headache throbbing with every thought. I'll just… I'll just deal with this later… when I'm not so hung-over.

Gamzee makes a pitiful whining noise beside me, chewing on the corner of his pillow, his features contorted into what appeared to be pain. I felt so bad, I couldn't just treat Gam like nothing happened, he killed one of my best friends, I shouldn't be… I raised my hand to his head, cupping his cheek in my shaky hand, he relaxed at this and whined softly.  
Fucking hell.

_Why do I always cave?_

I was so tempted to hit him for making me so weak but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Gamzee was still my friend too, I couldn't just neglect him now that he actually needs me. Even though what he did was wrong.

_Very fucking wrong. _

It wasn't up to me to be passing judgment.

I would save that for Terezi.

No, scrap that, I won't.

Gamzee has enough problems, and he needed help.

_Serious help. _

Help I wasn't so sure I was qualify to give. Though that didn't stop me from trying.

I trace circles over Gamzee's cheek with my hand, taking in everything I could.

He seemed to enjoy the sensation as well. He'd stopped making that stupid noise and had actually started sleeping. I'd hate to be here when he wakes up, though. He drank more than I did; only god knows how bad his hangover would be.

My phone screen lights up and starts buzzing, I pick it up, answering whoever called.

"What…?" I drawl out in a cranky tone. The person on the other end sighed.

"Karkat… Hey, It's about time you picked up," Aradia said rather impatiently, sounding rather grumpy as well.

"Oh, Well, I was a sleep, sorry if that was inconvenient," I retort, at this point I don't think I had much control over what I said, I was bad with alcohol and I've had a bad history with hangovers before.

She sighs again, drumming her fingers on something, "Well, Anyway, I just wanted to check up on you, are you alright?" she asks, a tinge of worry starting to leak into her voice.

I look around, then look myself up, not noticing anything different, "Yeah, I'm fine, Just got a headache, that's all,"

"Okay," she pauses and for a second I thought the line had gone dead until she speaks up again, in a hushed tone, "Gamzee… He didn't…" she sounds unsure, "Gamzee hasn't done anything to you?"

I look over my shoulder to the clown, good he's still asleep, "No, He's been fine,"

I keep my voice down, now suddenly aware I could wake him, "He's been sleeping most of the time,"

"Good, Just making sure, I wouldn't want you to get hurt either, not after what happened," Aradia admits, sounding more relaxed now. "Bye, Kar I gotta go,"

"No, wait…" I interrupt before she hung up on me, "When will you and Feferi be back?"

"I don't know," she admits, "I still have some phone calls to make, We'll try and be home for dinner, We'll bring take-away or something easy, so you just rest up and try not to worry too much, Okay?"

"Okay," I breathe, "Bye Aradia,"

The line disconnects and I'm met with dial tone, I exhale sharply, putting my phone back in the nightstand.

There's a warm hand on my shoulder and I look back, Gamzee looks worried, "What was that, Bro?" he asks, looking a little nervous.

I sigh, turning to face him, "just Aradia checkin' up to see if everything was okay,"

He looks confused at this, he sits back, pulling a pillow into his lap. "Okay, Where is she, anyway?"

"I" I choke, wait? What was he asking for? He knew She and Fef had gone last night, surely he would remember that… Or.. "Hey, Gam?" I start, "What happened last night?" I question.

He goes quiet, I can tell he's concentrating, it's so obvious by the face he's making.

"I, uh… I don't motherfucking remember…" He admits, his head drops at this, opting to avoid looking at me. "It's just, augh, I got this wicked nasty motherfucker all up in my head, all up and making my brain hurt and tellin' me things," His fingers start wringing the pillow. "He won't let me get my remembering on, Bro,"

"It's okay," I lie, rubbing his shoulder soothingly, "It was an accident, I'm sure you didn't mean to do what you did," My gut wrenches, I swallow though the nauseating feeling stirring in the pit of my stomach. I push past it, trying to comfort Gamzee, who also looked as though he was going to throw up.

"Sorry, Bro," he sounded hurt, "I did something bad again, didn't I".

* * *

**I need ideas for this fic! Please comment if you have an idea! I'm dying!**

**I also have a few little plots for some ficlets so I'm thinking of starting a little drabble collection. **

**PLEASE REVIEW. **


	11. Chapter 11

I cautiously make my way into the lounge room to find Gamzee having a staring contest with Feferi's fish tank. I watch him for a minute, finding it rather odd. I've been finding him zoning out quite a lot lately and I was sure it was also related to those violent outbursts he's also been having. I sigh deeply, keeping my position as I clear my throat, "Gamzee?" I say, he continues his stare-off with a particular fish, completely ignoring me. "Gamzee," I say again, a lot louder this time. He hums in acknowledgement, keeping his gaze fixated on the fish.

"Gamzee, look at me, dumbass!" I feel my patience wear a little too thin considering the one I'm dealing with. He snaps his head around, now seeming to want to stare me down, I feel myself begin to feel nervous under his intense gaze.

"Sup, motherfucker," For the first time that entire time I watched as he blinked.

Thank fuck.

His eyes were red and had dark bags under them, He was starting to look like me when my insomnia kicked in.

I force myself to relax as I pick my words carefully, "Gam, I'm worried about you," I admit. He looks like he did something wrong by the way he frowned at himself. "I think you need help, doctor kind of help," He shrugs it off, not wanting to pay attention any more.

I feel that lump return to my throat as I begin to feel upset once more.

Fuck this, I can't handle this.

Tears prick my eyes, I push past them, not wanting to seem weak anymore, "Gemzee, Please, What will it take for you to get help?"

He shrugs again, seeming to mull this over a bit.

"I don't need a psych, Karbro," He smiles a goofy kind of smile; and for a second there I buy it.

I shake my head, not very pleased with the way he's been avoiding this.

"Gamzee, You need a psych, 'kay? I really think it'll help," His smile is replaced with a frown rather fast.

"No,"

"Gam, What will it take for you to go?" I cross my arms, feeling fed up with his shit.

He shrugs again.

"Stop fucking shrugging at me and give me a fucking answer!" I snap. Gamzee's eye's widen in shock. It's been a while since I've really yelled at him.

"I," he says, he shuts his mouth soon after. Actually thinking about what he wants.

After a couple of minutes, he smiles.

"So?" I ask impatiently.

"I want you," He cracks a wide grin.

"I, wait, what?" His grin inches wider, "Me?"

He nods vigorously, "I want you to be there when I wake up and say, 'good morning, Gamzee' and I want you to be there when I go to bed with me and say 'good night' and I want you to be happy with me, and I want you to cuddle me," At least now he has an opinion?'

Beats shrugging any day.

"So," I begin, thinking this through, "You'll go see a psychologist if I go out with you?"

He nods again.

God he's so childish.

I sigh in defeat, "Fine," I huff, "But you'll have to do as I say as well, Okay?"

"Okay," he smiles, it's a nice change to see him happy. I feel my lips pull back into a small smile as well. The thumping in my head making short work of my brief happiness and I'm back to feeling like utter shit.

Time for a box of panadol and a whole jug of coffee. This is going to be _fun_.

Pfff.

~oOo~

I feel Gamzee's breath tickle my neck as he leans up against me, we're both rugged up in a blanket watching movies, it was quite relaxing, actually, sitting here all snuggled up with the man who killed your best friend; watching Ten Things I Hate About You with a bowl of cereal and a numb brain.

Yep.

_This is the life_.

It was nearing the end of the movie when the sound of keys and the door opening woke me from my half dead state, I turn to Aradia and Feferi who gave me an apologetic glance as they lugged in bags of Chinese food. "Sorry," Aradia apologized, sounding dead. "I didn't think it'd take this long," Yep, she really sounded dead. Hey voice no longer held that joyful bounce it once had, instead, it was flat and void of pretty much all emotion.

"It's okay," I mumble, beginning to feel bad, I didn't know why, though.

Feferi collapsed on the couch next to me, she looked drained, the poor girls.

"Whale, You want dinner?" Fef spoke up, handing me a plastic bag, full of containers full of food.

"Yeah," I sigh, taking the bag and setting in down on the coffee table in front of us. I unpacked it, looking over the variety of dishes, "Did you two decide to buy out the fucking store or what?" Fef gives me a half smile.

"Whale, Yeah, pretty much," she admits, "I couldn't decide on what I wanted so we got one of everything," Aradia sat down next to her, handing us forks; chopsticks are too bothersome now that everyone was exhausted.

Through dinner, I tell the girls pretty much everything that had gone down, including the little deal I had made with Gamzee. We're all too tired to do much more than eat so afterwards we pack up what we didn't eat and just went straight to bed. I relax into Gamzee's warm embrace and even after all that had happened, I still found comfort in it as I drifted into a peaceful slumber.

~oOo~

As everyone knows, I am most defiantly _not_ a morning person, but right fucking now, Gamzee thinks he is. I swat his face from mine as I find a more comfortable position, "Good morning, Dumbass," I mumble, suddenly remembering why he was non-verbally pestering me this early. He smiles – which is a nice change - and cuddles up next to me once more.

I slip my hands around his waist and he wriggles even closer; I can tell he's already had his morning cigarette by the way my lungs suddenly decide that breathing isn't that fucking important. Gamzee leans in and lands a small peck on my cheek, my face flushes as I then also remember what I had promised him.

Hopefully his expectations aren't too high; I don't even remember the last time I even had a girlfriend, or, well, in this case a boyfriend. I let a small smile show as I lean in and kiss down his jaw line, ignoring the stench of stale smoke. His hands glide down from my shoulders down to the small of my back and linger as he debates weather or not he'll get in trouble if he went further, he eventually made up his mind and I found his hands slip up under my shirt and exploring the expanse of my back.

And it actually felt rather nice.

I continue my light kisses down his neck and onto his collar bone, pausing for a second before giving it a light nibble. Gamzee hums in response, I smile and continue to lick and bite across his shoulder.

I sneak my cold hands under the front of his shirt, lifting it up some.

"Um, Guys, Breakfast is… Oh dear.." We both turn to Feferi who was standing in the doorway, looking a little more than shocked. Her face flushed a light pink as she turned around, swiftly shutting the door behind herself on her way out.

I turn to face Gamzee again, now feeling overly self-conscious. He also looked a little embarrassed.

Breakfast that morning was extremely awkward; Aradia tried starting up a few minor conversations but was shot down by the lack of response so in the end she gave up and ate in silence.

* * *

**Ugh, I'm really tired and I just want to go to bed so here, have a short-ish chapter. I just want to start writing the new one because shit is actually going to happen… I hope. I kind of have writers bloch and it took me two days to write this out so.. yeah. **

**-TK**


	12. Chapter 12

**Welp, My eye has been hurting real bad but I really wanted to keep writing so just ignore all my horrible mistakes and lets get this going. **

It's been a week since I made my little deal with Gamzee, and to be honest, it wasn't all that bad. Sure he was a little clingy and outwardly affectionate, but hey, if it kept him from killing anyone, I say do what he likes. Although, currently, I'm sitting in a doctors waiting room waiting for that stupid juggalo of mine while trying not to murder the screaming baby next to me. I check my phone again and sigh in frustration, five more minutes. I stare at my phone, inwardly willing time to go faster, but it doesn't, it decides to fucking go backwards. I shove my phone back in my pocket, a doctor opens the main door and looks out into the waiting room, "Vantas?" he calls, locating me he waves me over, I see Gamzee sitting in one of the rooms looking a little reluctant. I sigh, he's probably just being difficult again; I get up and follow the doctor into Gamzee room and take a seat next to my boyfriend. "Now," the man begins, checking over his messy notes scrawled across a clipboard, "Gamzee tells me you two are in a relationship, correct?" I nod, getting a little confused, how was this relevant?

I see him scribble down something else and he continues to talk, "Now, I won't go into much detail, although since you are dating, would it be alright if you were to keep an eye on him for me, just in between sessions. I will also give you his script since he's reluctant to the idea of medication; would that be alright?" He looks up at me, a calm smile painted across his features.

"Yeah, that's fine," I drawl out, I flash Gamzee a cautious glare and he just lazily smiles back at me, also.

He then starts to go on about arrangements and other shit I wasn't that bothered to pay much attention, this was Gamzee he was talking about, I know everything about him. He finishes up and we shake hands and leave, I growl as the screaming infant kept fucking crying, I could still hear the damned thing from outside, god fucking damn.

Gamzee was relatively quiet on our way back home so I decide it's a great idea to go get coffee.

I take a deep breath as we step into the café, the smell of fresh ground coffee hitting my senses and making me forget why I was so pissed off in the first place. Gamzee grabs my hand and we slide into a booth, he just continues to smile at me, I sigh, yeah, this really wasn't that bad. We order our coffee and talk, Gamzee told me the doctor says he has something called schizophrenia, he explained what it does to his mind if he's not careful, he summed it up as something similar to bi-polar disorder only the symptoms were a little more intense, and there were voices. Voices that would tell him to do things he wouldn't normally do.

I was familiar with bi-polar, Sollux had a very mild case and a lot of the time he could deal with it ok, although, that didn't mean he was fine all the time.

I rest my head on the table, just taking in my surroundings, Gamzee reached across the table to play with my hair, "Do you think you'll be okay?" I ask, looking up at him, he shrugs, I roll my eyes.

Gamzee slides out of our booth and strides over to the counter, I close my eyes, it was rather nice to spend time with Gamzee like this. I hear him come back a couple minutes later, he taps my shoulder, I look up at him and he shoves a small plate of cake under my nose. I blink, looking back up at him, He places the dish down in front of me and hands me the little tea cake fork. "Oh," I mumble, a small blush dusts my cheeks. I take a bite and practically melt; I let a small smile slip out around the fork in my mouth. Gamzee smiles too and is content with just watching me, I offer him some but he just flatly denied. "It's motherfuckin' miraculous watchin' you all up and enjoy somethin', Karbro," I feel a blush creep up again as I swallow a chunk of cake and smile with him.

I finish up and we stand to leave when a mother almost mows me down with her hugeass pram, as soon as the sleeping child herd the soft chime of the bell hung above the door, it fucking cried – and I meant motherfucking _screaming_.

"Why is it, that, babies fucking _hate_ café's and yet their parents couldn't give two shits about them screaming.

_The whole fucking time. _

Like, no, seriously, though, just because they have to put up with _their_ child's screaming does not mean the fucking rest of us there want to deal with it.

But we have to.

If it were up to me I'd drown the thing." I push past the pram, taking Gamzee's hand in my own.

"And another thing I'd also like to point out; is that people don't know how to steer prams. I get run over by them all the time; I'm not that fucking short am I? Before idiots go having kids, they need to learn the basics, like how to drive a pram. I say drive because they obviously need to get a license for one because it's apparently a skill no one has.

And they also need to be fucking considerate, then again, I guess that's the only reason they're having children, because they're no good for anything else other than re-population, although, there's another reason they shouldn't mate; but it's illegal to get idiots spaded so we just have to put up with this stupid rotting planet."

I feel Gamzee tug at my hand, pulling me out of my train of thought, "'s all right, Karbro," he smiles, pulling me into a hug, "Why are you against children, though?" We start our walk back home again, I stuff my free hand into my pocket.

"I don't know, because humans are disgusting filthy stains on this worthless planet," I shrug. Gamzee laughs at my response.

"But what about us, brother, we're human, too, remember?" I stare back up at him, a smirk playing at my lips.

"We're not humans," I retort, "We're aliens," Gamzee laughs again, "Because there is no way you – who murdered someone – was just let off with no charges pressed and a plea of insanity. PLUS I'm five foot fucking zero, I don't even meet human height qualifications!" I state matter-of-fact-ly before we both burst out in another round of giggles.

"So, we're aliens, huh," he manages to say in between giggles, "So that's why your skin is all motherfuckin' silky soft," He touches a palm to my cheek, "Interesting,"

"No!" I huff, "There is a reason why I am nice and soft but that's not it," He gives me a challenging glance, I smirk, "Once a month, I scrub myself over with a cheese grater; and once I shed my exoskeleton of scabs I emerge silky smooth, kind of like a butterfly,"

"You make no motherfuckin' sense, karbro,"

"You make even less."

**A lot of this is actually based off personal experience, okay, I honestly have no idea what to write, I have writers block so I just went with more or less comedy.**

**Please review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**OMF SORRY FOR THE TWO MONTH LONG HIATUS I UNEXPECTADLY TOOK. I was sitting in a café with my friend talking about homestuck then I remembered I was wrITING A FUCKING FIC. Sorry I forgot….. I'm really horrible so please excuse me for this I really don't want this to end but we're edging closer to the end of this so please bear with me. **

It's been a couple of months since Gamzee's diagnosis. Keeping up with his daily medication and stress relief practices have started to become more of a chore, he still spaces out a lot and has the occasional tantrum but other than that I'd like to say he's improving. But not by much; I do admit I am kind of worried about him. I've never really known him to be like this, mainly because in high school he was constantly high. On well, I don't even really know what he was on.

It could've been any bloody thing.

I lay on our bed casually flicking through an old fairy tale book I found in the cupboard, I contemplate on actually reading a story but decide against it in favour of getting food. I admit I haven't been eating as much as I should but the stress of everything is making me constantly nauseous so even the mere thought of eating gives me reflux.

I really wish being with Gamzee could be less painful but he claims he needs space and that I should respect that. And that means he's out on his own doing god knows what.

Hopefully he doesn't get himself into trouble again.

I toss aside the book, making a mental note to read it later, getting up I yawn swinging my legs of the bed as I stand, my vision turns white for a second as I adjust to standing, a wave of dizziness almost knocking me back onto my ass. I shake my head, ruffling up my hair in the process, making my way to the kitchen. It was eerily quiet and not to mention I had no idea where anyone was.

I settle for instant noodles and make my way into the living room again, it was deserted. Well, at least I could get some peace and quiet now and enjoy whatever time I had left.

After about an hour of channel surfing I break out my laptop, logging onto my old pesterchum account. Surprisingly there were a few people online. I didn't think anyone still used this.

I read through the list of handles, seeing if any of these assholes were worth talking to.

arachnidsGrip, nah, she would just bitch or should I say, _8itch_ at me then we'd get into another argument again.

turntechGodhead, oh fuck no. I already hated this asswipe already. I was not about to start being all chummy with such a poser. He already stole the only girl I was interested in back then and I was not going to forgive him about him constantly rubbing everything in my face.

ectoBiologist, again, hell no. I already have my reasons for not wanting to talk to him and I'm not comfortable in sharing why.

grimAuxiliatrix, probably not a good idea. I don't really feel like being lectured again. Although I was kind of curious as to what she's up to these days. She was one of my only true friends then and I'd still like to believe she is. Only, now I'm sure she has better things to do now with Rose. They're probably dating now and knowing me I'd probably fuck that up too.

gallowsCalibrator, last I heard she and Dave were a thing, I must admit I did miss her, almost as much as I missed Gamzee. She was a really good friend when she wanted to be and I might have had a little crush on her at one point. But all of that's over now, none of that even matters. I have my own boyfriend now and I'm perfectly happy with him…. Wait, am I? Yeah, I guess I am rather happy with Gamzee. I smile to myself, happy that no one saw that.

I hover over her handle for a minute, contemplating weather or not I should actually talk to her.

I sigh, clicking on her username, a separate window pops up, a little chat couldn't hurt, right?

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

[CG] HEY.

[GC] K4RK4T?

[CG] YES IT'S KARKAT. WHOOP DE FUCKING DO.

[GC] W3LL S1NC3 YOU PUT 1T TH4T W4Y ;]

[GC] LONG T1M3 NO P3ST3R1NG HOW H4V3 YOU B33N?

[GC] OTH3R TH4N TH3 F4CT YOU H4V3 B33N M1ST3R GRUMPY BUTT FOR L1K3 F1V3 3V3R :]

[CG] YEAH WHATEVER. I'VE BEEN FINE. IT HAS BEEN A WHILE, HASN'T IT. LAST I HEARD THOUGH YOU WERE DATING THAT FUCKTARD STRIDER.

[GC] K4RK4T, TH4T W4S 4 LOOOONG T1M3 4GO.

[GC] TH4T COOLK1D W4S FUN FOR 4 WH1LE BUT TH4T 4CT GOT OLD.

[CG] HEH. SO THEN WHAT'S NEW?

[GC] W3LL… NOT MUCH R34LLY.

[GC] G4MZ33 T3LLS M3 YOU'R3 B4CK FOR 4 L1TTL3 V1S1T OF SORTS.

[GC] 1'M S4D YOU H4V3N'T COM3 TO V1S1T.

[CG] WELL I WOULD IF I WASN'T SO GOD DAMN BUSY ALL THE TIME.

[CG] WAIT, GAMZEE TOLD YOU? BUT HE? I MEAN….

[GC] G4MZ 4ND 1 ST1LL T4LK, K4RKL3S. YOU'R3 TH3 ONLY ON3 L3FT OUT OF TH3 LOOP.

[GC] TH1NGS H4V3 CH4NG3D YOU KNOW.

[GC] OH, SORRY K4RKL3S, 1 H4V3 TO GO, JUST1C3 C4LLS ;]

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Well that didn't last long. I wonder what her deal was. She seemed tighter than usual. I shake my head it was probably nothing. After all it has been a while since we last talked. I might ask Gamzee about it later. I push my laptop aside, resting my head on the soft couch cushions, I close my eyes for what feels like a second only so feel a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Karbrooooo,"

"What," I grumble back, cracking an eye open.

"Nothin' I just want to cuddle is all," is his slurred response, I shift over and Gamz lays down on the couch, resting my head on his chest. I sigh cuddling into his warm embrace. I feel him twirling my hair every now and again. I smile into his chest. Yeah, I must have done something right to deserve this.

I'm about to drift off again when I feel Gamzee move. I look up at him, about to tell him to stop when he gives me a heartwarming smile, not a cheeky-assed grin like usual, an actual smile. "I love you, Karbro," he shifts me up and kisses my forehead lightly.

I blush lightly at his straightforwardness, hiding my stupid sappy reaction by burying my face in the crook of his neck. "I love you too, dumbass".

**Yes this is short, but it's just a teaser for what's to come. **

**You haven't seen nothin' yet. **

**Please review!**

**-TK**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: TRIGGER WARNING. **

I smile into Gamzee's warm embrace, nuzzling closer he responds by tightening his hold on me, squishing me closer. I feel him run his hands up the hem of my shirt, caressing my back in small circles. I lean up and nibble on Gamzee's earlobe, he responds by dragging his fingernails down the length of my back. I kiss the side of his neck, licking down to his collarbone, I feel him giggle at the sensation

Gamzee wedges a leg in between mine, forcing me to closer; I lean up for a second before he grips the back of my head, bringing me in for a deep kiss. I hum contently as I feel his tongue lap across my bottom lip; I bite his tongue lightly as a warning. He looks up at me surprised "What now, karbro?" he props himself up on his elbows.

"We're in the fucking lounge room, dumbass." I remind him, he takes a second to look around.

"oh yeah." He mumbles. I'm about to get up when Gamzee suddenly grabs me, throwing me over his shoulder casually and walks up back to our room. Throwing me on our bed he discards his shirt, and then comes over to take mine off, too. I feel rather self conscious under his intense gaze, I try not to show it but damn, I just can't help it.

Gamzee crawls onto the bed after me, leaning down to re-capture that first kiss I denied him. This time I allow it, he sweeps his tongue along the roof of my mouth, I moan quietly, causing Gamzee to tug at my dark hair, deepening the kiss further. I feel his thin fingers tug at my jeans; I lean my head back and let him kiss his way down my neck.

I never thought in a million years I would be doing this, not with Gamzee at least.

He manages to unbutton my jeans and pulls them down, revealing my underwear and freakishly white legs. I blush, closing my eyes, not even wanting to look at myself.

I open my eyes when I realize Gamzee isn't moving; oh god he's probably put off my disgusting body, I knew this was a bad idea.

"Motherfuckin' miracles,"

Wait what?

"Gamzee what are you-" I sit up to figure out what the hell is going on.

"You're so beautiful, karbro," I blush; he smiles up at me, leaning down to kiss the tip of my nose. I smile, yeah, trust Gam to come up with the sappy shit. I ring my arms around his neck, pulling him down to lay on top of me, this time it was my turn to dominate the kiss. I tug at his grey pants eagerly, trying my hardest to suppress my own urges.

I manage to slide them down to his knees, taking my time and enjoying the feeling of his legs against my own skin. Hr kicks off his pants all the way, going down to suck on my collar bone, I try to hush another moan as his bulge rubs against mine.

"Gamz," I whisper beating myself up mentally at how desperate I sounded. He seems to get the idea and makes quick work of our boxers. I gasp at the sudden sensation, Gamzee, too seeming to have to adjust to the new temperature difference.

And then they fricked.

**Ack just excuse me I was actually drunk when I wrote that please just wait a bit and I will actually try to update because HOMESTUCK FUCKING UPDATED OMF. **


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